Saturday, July 5, 2014

Here comes the

I think I'm just going to have a wee ramble about my feelings, which I haven't really done since I started posting fiction on this blog.
I think I sort of began to think that fiction is really what I need to post, so if I'm not writing, or if I'm not writing well, I shouldn't be posting.
But I didn't start this blog to have it read by the whole world, and putting things down in words seems to work for me, so perhaps this blog will have a few more ramblings again.

My 'holiday' is just about over!
I'm incredibly happy with my results, and for once I'm feeling like I can be good at things. It's funny, because I've always felt like I'm fairly average at most things I put my hand to, and it worries me. I don't want to be a Jack of all trades, but the trouble is, I want to master ALL OF THE THINGS.
And that is impossible, am I right?
Anyway, I've been feeling a little low that I'm not painting or writing much at the moment. But at the same time, this has been a fantastic year (thus far) for dance, study, and work. There are only really so many things you can put your heart and soul into at one time, and when I think "I used to be so much better at insert thing Siobhan is worrying about here," I'm actually beginning to realise that whatever that thing was, I was putting a lot of time and effort into it at that point.

I was really very good this year, and gave up quite a few commitments, and I think I've worked the hardest I ever have at Uni. It's funny, because I love study, I love research, but I love movement. I love learning about movement, and part of me feels like if no one else does the research I'm doing (and the research I'm in talks with other researchers about doing) then no one will- but so much of research is sitting!

The trouble with me is natural curiosity. I want to know about everything. I am nosy. I want to learn about and understand everything. I'm in talks about more postgrad study (Note to self and reader, taking at least a year off to do things before I come back to uni, if I come back), and I'm having trouble because two supervisors from two different fields have said they'd be keen to work with me and it is so hard to pick!

Sometimes I think all this specialisation in injury is exactly what I want, because my initial dream job was as a sport science role with a professional sports team, and strength and conditioning for injury prevention and recovery would be essential for any team. Then other times I think that I love volunteering in the EXPINKT (exercise training beyond breast cancer clinic) and there's no way I can become a clinical exercise physiologist without doing more postgrad!

And then you know what I think? I think that I love teaching things. Sometimes I dream of being a lecturer and doing my PhD and being Dr. Milner, and then other times I think, yeah you know what? I might be one of the world's most overqualified personal trainer/gym class instructor but it's so much fun!

I don't know. I have a lot options, I think. And I'm starting to believe that I can learn now, when I used to think that all talent was innate when it came to me, and so I'd never be more than average.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Friday, May 2, 2014

You're not in the room

I hate that I've stopped writing, fiction and otherwise.
I'm writing little bits and pieces, but every time I try to articulate something, it comes out wrong.
I can't even write angst any more- ha!
I really need to stick to this Sunday writing phenomenon, and finally post some fiction back up here again.
Because my ramblings are boring.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Gently letting go of things not meant for you

I have stories I want to write and need to write down.
Emotion is a crazy thing.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Hey friends

I'll be taking part in the 2014 Cancer Society Relay for Life at the University of Otago with Team Unipol - if you'd like to support my team's efforts and make a donation to the cancer society, please click this link- this is a cause near to my heart.