This weekend was filled with movies, collecting banana passionfruit, lying on the wharf of someone's boat house (who knows who's), collecting cockles, seeing a Takahe, and a lot of walking through Orokonui.
A couple of years ago, I heard about Piloxing- and it sounded ridiculous. I laughed, and couldn't believe that such a thing existed. Pilates and boxing combined, and they even had Piloxing Barre- which somehow combined Pilates, Boxing, and ballet barre work!!
Anyway, my friend and I had a good chuckle about it, and I sort of just shook my head at the fitness industry.
And then today I went along.
I've been teaching a lot more classes recently, and even created some small group training classes which have gone really well, but I haven't been to any classes outside of the gym I work in for over 2 years. I think it's good to take classes with other instructors, for inspiration, but also just because I love fitness classes, and I love keeping fit.
So anyway, I started a new job in October, and happen to work right next to a studio that offers Piloxing.
And I have to say, it is really fun!
The instructor was great, and reminded me a lot of my favourite instructor from my gym I went to in high school. It was really great to see a really successful, really enthusiastic instructor- I miss the 'party' vibe of Les Mills, and this instructor today had the same sort of vibe.
The class was a little bit ridiculous, but that was part of what made it so good. Instructors who aren't afraid to be a little silly, a little out there- they're the ones who make classes really enjoyable.
And the marketing. So well done. Really. I actually went home and started looking into Piloxing instructor courses. Who knows?
I can't find the whole piece together, but we watched 'Pierrot in Turquoise' in class today (I'm studying a music paper currently called "Special Topic: David Bowie") and I have to say- really bizarre.
At times I felt like it was great, but a lot of the time I felt like it was something trying to be art.
But, David Bowie was great in his performance and music, of course.
Perhaps pantomime is just not my thing.
In the very first few seconds of the New Year there was a couple in their forties, maybe their fifties, hugging.
They just embraced, and closed their eyes, while they lay their chins on each others' shoulders.
Anyone who paid attention would have been envious, if only they knew what they wanted.
Peace, and trust, and focus.
Whole hearted love that comes not only from emotion, but actions.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you love me."
"I don't love you."
"But you want to love me."
They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but at times I've felt very, very weak. Weakness is something I hate. Ever since I escaped, I promised myself I'd never be weak again. Perhaps I confused weak with vulnerable from then on. I was vulnerable with those I didn't know. Refused to be vulnerable with those I did. People harden themselves when they don't know how to be vulnerable. Not necessarily in the ways you might expect.
"So, why didn't you tell me?"
"Because you want to love me."
"So, you don't want me to love him."
A question raised raises doubt in the mind of the one asked. Do I know what I want? I do, I've known all along. But someone else not knowing makes knowing more difficult. Sometimes long after. When the questioner finds the answer themselves, they're content. The one who was asked? Maybe not knowing where the question came from, maybe not having though the question over, rolled it across their tongue, felt it in their hands- maybe that means the question will sneak up on them for months to come.
"You don't love him."
"I do love him."
"Don't you want to be more than just content?"
"Don't you want to stop waiting for something more?"
One eye always open. I guess that was how I was, how I felt before. Now it's the other way around. I'm focussed, focusing in because I know (and always have known) that things can't last forever, no matter how they end. But it feels like the one who focussed in on me, who gave me undivided attention, is now looking to the distance. Life looks better when you look away, but I guess the question is, what part of life looks better when you look away?
"I can't come."
"Because I can't do it again."
"Yes you can."
Should is a really strange word sometimes. People ask you to figure out you want, what's best for you. But sometimes what you want isn't what's best for you. Perhaps in our hedonistic age, people have lost sight of that. They want in, they want out, they do what they want. But desire is fleeting. I don't know what you'd call actions. But actions can be consistent, constant. Not that they always are. Sometimes should might be for the best; sometimes should is for the worst. We tend to all agree that good is better than bad, but sometimes it's hard to know what's what.